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if you want better sex, you've gotta stop thinking about it

I got a pm yesterday from a man interested in my upcoming TANTRIC TEMPLE workshop (Saturday, 26th March, 2022, here in London if you're interested).

He asked what we'd be doing and when I told him, his response was, "so it's not about sex and nudity then?"


But, then again, yes.

Let me explain.

For newcomers to tantra, especially men, there can be the assumption that because it's about "having better sex", we dive in and have sex (or at least do overtly sexual stuff) within the workshop.

Thing is, that's just not how it works.

For one thing, tantra isn't actually a practice designed to improve your sex-life.

That's just a delicious side effect of a centuries old spiritual path geared towards enlightenment through the body.

But the main point people - and men especially - need to hear in this regard, is that IF YOU WANT BETTER SEX, YOU'VE GOTTA STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

And I mean this on multiple levels.

For one, if you don't meditate, you simply cannot make love the tantric way.

This is a no-mind practice. Thinking gets in the way of pleasure and connection.

For another, all the keys to having better sex, including meditation, reside in practices that are not explicitly sexual.

Such as deepening your capacity to feel sensation in the body.

Becoming aware of and learning to activate or channel energy in and around your body.

Learning how to breathe to enhance sensation, cultivate presence and support energy flow.

Connecting with & toning the muscles in and around your pelvis and genitals.

Understanding the play of polarity in love-making and the very distinct needs and arousal pathways of women/men.

And, as already mentioned, stilling the mind.

Once you've mastered these, then everything gets super juicy and mind-blowing. Beyond what you can possibly imagine!

What's more, you then discover that breathing or sensing or moving energy are - in and of themselves - ORGASMIC !

And life itself can be one great big making love.

Just not of the wild orgy variety you're imagining or have been porn-schooled to expect.

One final point.

To imagine a bunch of strangers could walk into a day workshop, get their kit off and start bonking is about as far from my idea of tantra and the flavour of my work as I can imagine.

When we enter into this arena, it quickly highlights all kinds of wounds, shadows and traumas, that require sensitivity and safety to be alchemised.

It's typical that at least 1/3 of women in a room will have experienced sexual abuse or trauma. Mostly from men.

And, contrary to all the macho fuck-boy bravado, men have an equal and opposite amount of issues around intimacy too.

Rushing into nudity or overtly sexual practice serves absolutely no purpose. Least of all when the groundwork hasn't been laid in terms of the fundamentals I've listed above.

It could all too easily trigger or re-traumatise participants. Or divert attention from what we're really here for: intimacy.

Believe me, getting naked eye to eye and soul to soul is both profound and confronting enough as it is. Clothes off isn't necessary.

Can you come to my day workshop and leave with new skills, experiences and awareness, that will radically enhance your sex life and relating? 100%

Will you leave feeling deliciously juicy, loved up, spiritually expanded and heart-connected? Yep.

Does it require you to get your kit off or perform sexual acts? No.

And, to answer the man who wrote to me: will you learn skills that can support your intention to master ejaculation? Yes.

If you're still interested, now that it's clear we won't be having sex or cavorting in the buff, be in touch.

Saturday, March 26th, 10am-6pm, private NW London location.

Investment: £122 per person or £222 per pair.

The beautiful image above is by Ines Honfi.

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