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What does it mean for a woman to be "feminine"?

I was discussing this recently with a female client, who did not feel feminine and wanted to connect more fully with her Feminine essence.

She mentioned qualities such as grace, being pretty, flowing dresses and a sense of ease in the body.

I wondered where, here, the imagined or culturally conditioned notion of femininity intersected with the actual felt sense of a woman deeply connected to her true nature.

There is a big difference.

If I look around me, there are many women - of all ages -who seem to be attempting to live up to some stereotype of “the Feminine”, which is more about a culturally conditioned (& patriarchally defined) Beauty Myth, than a woman who is truly living from a felt-sense connection with her body, yoni, heart and sacred sexual essence.

Why else the proliferation of so much gumph designed to conceal and reconfigure our natural shape and beauty?

VJ sparkles, labiaplasties, lip-plumping, face-lifting, boob enhancements, hair extending, false eye-lashes, vagina wash… whose idea is all this and why??? (And please reflect on that, it’s important).

Does this really make us more feminine? More beautiful?

  • Will it appease our inherent insecurity or make us more orgasmic?

  • Can it open our compassionate hearts or empower us to speak our soul’s truth?

  • Does it support our deeper connection with our true selves and the ultimate Mother – nature?

  • Does it encourage us to really love, honour and FEEL our unique and already beautiful female bodies?

Let me provide my own answer by way of a couple of anecdotes.

One weekend I was at a tantra workshop. I’d spent all day in deep process. Sweating, shaking, crying, wailing, stomping. I hadn’t combed my hair. My armpits (and more I suspect) were fragrant. I was wearing baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt.

After a long day, I was walking home with a friend and we passed a club, where some live salsa music was playing.

Now I love the sound of salsa, so I persuaded my friend to head into the club with me for a little late-night dancing before bed.

As we entered the bar, I felt the eyes of the lead singer of the band upon me. He was a drop-dead gorgeous latino man 10 years my junior, who lost no time in coming to talk and dance with me, dedicated that night to me and went on to become my lover.

Now I didn’t go in there worrying about how I looked. Nor with any intention of flirting or meeting a man. I simply wanted to dance.

I didn’t fit any stereotype out there of how a feminine woman should look, BUT I was absolutely glowing from within with the radiance of an open heart and embodied Shakti energy.

That, to me, is a big part of the authentic expression of my feminine essence.

And then there’s the other story.

Quite a few years ago, I attended a workshop with Nityama, the Tantric Mongoose. He’s a master tantrik, whom I had the honour of interviewing for Heart to Heart earlier this year. (Check out this amazing interview on my youtube channel.)

Back then I was pretty new to all this stuff, but when I was in the presence of Nityama, I could FEEL his energy from right across the room. This made me sit up and listen.

I recall him talking about how ridiculous it is that women go around wearing jeans that so cut them off from connection with and sensation in their yoni (vagina, womb and female genitals).

At the time I wore nothing but jeans. And I found this remark quite sexist and provocative.

But it drew my attention, for the very first time in my adult life, to how my clothes gave space to and/or felt good for my yoni.

Over the ensuing years, as I trained as a Facilitator of Sexual Awakening for Women, then initiated as a Priestess of Love and Sacred Sexuality, my entire wardrobe changed.

Not through any deliberate attempt to look a certain way, attract men or fit in with mainstream definitions of fashion or beauty, but by listening to my body and what felt pleasing.

I went from only wearing jeans and lots of black to almost only ever wearing skirts, dresses, comfy leggings and vivid colours.

Of course, that is only part of the story, but the organic evolution of my feminine self-expression came as a result of a deepening journey into loving my body, connecting with my yoni, awakening my sexual energy and opening my heart.

And it is that process that I guide and hold space for in my one-to-one Awakening Shakti sessions, upcoming Awakening Shakti online course, as well as events such as the Sacred Women's Circle, I am facilitating at the Mind Body Spirit Festival in London on May 26, 2018.

If you’d like to know more about either, simply drop me a line to enquire. And meanwhile, keep on loving and embracing your luscious self!

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