Have you ever wondered what tantra is all about?
Well, 10 years ago I did too.
And it totally transformed my life.
There I was: a single mother who’d not had sex for four and a half years, feeling insecure, disempowered, guilty and ashamed. I felt trapped and frustrated.
Of course, this didn’t define me entirely and to the outer world, I probably presented as relatively normal and happy, but the biggest thing I remember from that time is the nagging sense of loneliness and inner lack.
It was as if I knew there was some other way I could be, that would mean I finally felt enough and could give expression to the greatness I felt within me, but I couldn’t access it.
And that sense of separation from my wholeness, magnificence and true contentment was often hard to live with.
When I tapped into tantra, initially via a lover (hurray!) and then a series of workshops, books and personal exploration, everything shifted.
I can’t say it was an overnight awakening.
But I began to have glimpses of a way of being that was so enthralling – and ecstatic, I dedicated my life to it.
Imagine my amazement at discovering that I could experience waves of orgasmic bliss rippling through me while I was fully dressed and not even touching (or being touched by) anyone.
Imagine my relief at finding an environment in which I didn’t have to wear a mask, but could be utterly and completely myself – and still be loved !
Imagine the healing that arose from the experience of having my whole body utterly worshipped, honoured and adored.
Imagine the power of feeling my heart burst open and being able to compassionately connect with other tender hearts without judgement or expectation.
Imagine my delight in discovering that this was a pathway in which I could finally unite my love of sex and God, whilst evolving into my greatest potential.
And the best thing about it all, was that I didn’t have to closet myself away in silent meditation or embark on an arduous programme of abstinence: this was not only possible, but encouraged, as part of a full embrace of my humanity and every-day life.
So yes, to those of you, who got worried when I spoke about sex without touch – lol – that includes full-bodied, whole-hearted, liberated love-making.
And yet the thing is, the more we embrace life like this: in totality. With all our love and presence. The more we realise that it’s not really about sex as we know it, but so very much more!
Little by little, I came to understand what the Tantric Masters meant when they spoke of “every-day ecstasy” and how the ultimate tantra is to be “making love with life”.
This is the ecstasy that comes from feeling and sensing everything our body is experiencing - without any filter, distraction or block - and marrying that awareness, moment by moment, with the keen presence and infinite stillness of a tranquil mind.
This is the ecstasy of living, breathing, being and expressing from a relaxed state of trust.
This is the ecstasy of aligning our uniqueness with our infinity and allowing our life to unfold in soulful purpose.
This is the ecstasy of being in the best relationship ever and needing no-one and nothing for your happiness.
This is the ecstasy of transcending the eternal dualities that can lock our ego into a never-ending merry-go-round of judgement and conflict.
Well that – and more – is the promise of tantra. And it’s a journey that can begin with the simplest of every-day acts, such as the way we eat or breathe.
No gimmicks. No complicated postures or prayers. Just a paying attention to what is and loving it.
In one fell swoop, the words “holy shit” need no longer be comic or ironic. In the non-duality of tantra, everything is sacred. And the more we embody this realisation, the more ecstatically we may live.
Oh, and by the way, that sexless single Mum I mentioned at the start of this blog? Today she's a Priestess of Love & Sacred Sexuality, who's travelled the world, interviewed leading tantric teachers and written a book about her adventures and awakenings.
If you're curious to know more about my journey with tantra and experience some super-simple ways to taste this ecstasy yourself, then join me for my Funzing talk: Living Ecstatically, on Tuesday, June 12th, 7-9pm in London.