Well, on the eve of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share another tale from my Radical Honesty weekend.
One of my reasons for attending the course was actually to put myself in a mixed learning environment with both men and women who are equally motivated to relate authentically.
I know I have more edges when it comes to radical honesty with men (mostly those I fancy) and since I don't have a partner or many men in my life wanted to get that exposure.
So I was a bit disappointed to see that, as is usual in my world, the women outnumbered the men quite considerably.
But then, as the participants were arriving, as one man entered the room, I sensed his energy immediately.
And immediately felt attraction.
I couldn't really see him, other than as a blur out of the corner of my eye, as I was mid conversation with someone else, but I could FEEL his presence.
Mmm. Grounded. Masculine. Fully here. Embodied. Aware. Strong. (I later found out he taught a martial arts form - made perfect sense).
His energy was like a magnet. I really wanted to get close to him, but did what I usually do in such situations and pretended not to notice him instead. LOL !
As the weekend progressed, I became aware that I was actually avoiding picking him - or another man I found attractive to look at - for the paired exercises.
So... in true Radical Honesty style, when we had our next sharing circle, I brought this up.
At first I spoke in general terms about how I noticed I'd avoided picking "men I find attractive" to work with.
But the facilitators didn't let me get away with this. "Who exactly are you attracted to?... Ok.. can you tell them?"
Er-hem.
So there I was, sitting in a circle with the whole group as witnesses and looking into the eyes of the man with magnetic presence and telling him "I find you attractive".
As is typical for me, he was substantially younger. I wondered for a moment if he'd be creeped out or if the group would judge me.
But the most interesting thing is that the thought of telling him was actually far worse than the doing of it.
I felt some fear and shame in my body in the build up, but as I looked at him and spoke, I actually felt warm and energised.
He received my expression with a warm smile and gratitude. I imagined it gave him pleasure.
And as the facilitators asked me if I wanted something else to happen with this attraction (a hug, a dinner date, a sexy proposal), I realised that no, I didn't in that moment. To have said it was enough.
I felt SO proud of myself for having faced this fear and learned that telling a man I find him attractive isn't going to kill me. In fact, it enlivened and empowered me and meant that I no longer felt shy about approaching him.
We got to chat and do a process together. I enjoyed 2 delicious hugs with him. I was even the first person he told about spending the night with another participant!! (And no, I didn't feel jealous or resentful).
You see in this case, I knew I didn't want anything to happen with him and yet I did feel the attraction. It didn't need to be acted on.
To be able to express and honour it and be received and witnessed in that was such a gift.
In fact, simply to experience a hug with him - a truly embodied, masculine, energetically awake man - was a gift. Yummm. (And how I wish this weren't so rare!!)
One of the things I'm taking from this experience is to practice telling men I find attractive the truth.
Now I just need to find one to tell! LOL !!!
But I hope this story inspires you to be bold and honest in love yourself, especially on Valentine's Day !
Love,
Shakti
xx xx