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What is presence?


So on the back of a very popular post about how looks are not the most important thing for me in attraction, I've been asked by a man to explain what I mean when I say "we women crave masculine presence."


He asked: "what do you mean by masculine presence and awareness?"


Here's my answer. Trying to keep it short and sweet, cos I know I can get wordy.


Presence = when you are giving me your full attention and not distracted by thoughts.


Awareness = a capacity to witness what is happening in you and around you with accuracy and detachment.


To which I'd now add:


Awareness can also be the absolute consciousness which encompasses all of existence.


Of course, both men and women can embody these qualities. It's just that in the polarity of man/woman, masculine/feminine and attraction, presence is what opens the feminine.


Thing is, this cannot be faked.


It can only be embodied as a result of your ongoing commitment to practices of stillness and awareness, like meditation.


Tantra IS the path of meditating your self awake in and with life.


Tantric sex is meditative love-making. In which both partners bring presence and awareness to the physical sensations and flow of energy that arises.


That is why it can last so long. Because there is no goal to reach and no plan or route to get there.


There has to be a complete letting go into the present moment.


If either partner is not present, what's possible is limited.


But for a woman, it is masculine presence that opens her and encourages her sexual energy to flow.


If he embodies that presence all the way through, from head to toe, and especially from head to lingam tip, boy oh boy what a wonderful gift he is giving her.


His presence - his focus, commitment, unwavering staying power, clear consciousness and inner stillness have the power to empty her out of all her attachments, limitations, wounds and simultaneously open her to ripples and waves of infinite pleasure.


Which he then - due to his awareness - experiences as if in his own body.


Which in turn creates a profound inner stillness in her.


That's how the two become one. The apparent distinction between Shakti & Shiva merged.


In a non-sexual context, all you have to do is ask a question and listen without having thoughts or planning what to say next.


Every body opens when you make that a practice. It's simple really.


Or not if you're very head-bound.


Hence the power of meditation and other practices to cultivate present-moment awareness.


Note: if you are not present, a woman will sense it and not feel safe or trusting. It feels like you're unclear, distracted and disempowered to her.


I hope that helps and feel free to add your own definitions and experiences if mine don't resonate for you xx

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