The other day I made a light-hearted post about how delicious it would be to go on a date with "a gorgeous, sexy, conscious man".
All the women said ... OH YESSS!!
A few men got on my case.
I was baffled.
How on earth could such a clear and joyful statement be mis-construed for... well, a personal attack?!
But when I felt into it, I think I got it.
They'd made the assumption, that "gorgeous and sexy" meant model-body hunk, 8-pack and all.
Maybe (I'm not sure) felt some attraction towards me too.
Judged themselves lacking. Felt insecure. And instead of owning that, turned their discomfort outwards.
This is projection and assumption clear and simple.
One I could actually feel pretty insulted by. I mean, you think I've done 20 years of deep spiritual work to base my primary attraction to a man on his physical appearance???!!!!
You think I even based it on such criteria before??!!!
Wrong on both counts.
I've dated fat, thin, tall, short, ginger, bald, dark, black, brown, yellow and white skin, Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jew, agnostic.
Way younger and a little older.
Big willy, little willy. LOL !
You get the picture.
But what I have noticed in all my years of being a woman, both pre- and post- awakening, is that the majority of men base their attraction for women on age and looks.
Kinda what I was being accused of.
I'm not saying this to set up a right/wrong debate.
But actually because I want to highlight something I'd love for every man to know.
When I say "gorgeous and sexy", I mean:
- present - in integrity - embodied - highly intelligent - fun - awake/aware - sensual & sexually evolved - confident - heart-cock integrated - dedicated to his growth and purpose - caring for the planet - respecting women - good-hearted - authentic - honest - consistent
When I say "conscious", I mean:
- self-aware - emotionally intelligent - transparent communicator - owns his shit - committed to awakening & growth - has a long-standing spritual or mindfulness practice
Looks don't even enter my mind. I imagine how I will FEEL in his presence.
And, from what I can tell, this is similar for the women I work with.
I've been facilitating women's groups for almost 20 years.
The one quality every woman swoons for is "masculine presence".
And then they'll name qualities that suggest a man who shows up and cares for them. Who's honest and reliable. Self-aware.
A man of his word. Who shares their values. Speaks truthfully. Who is confident and sensual. And wanting to grow.
They don't go on about his cock, abs or pecs. Though, of course, they appreciate beauty.
I do too. But I couldn't give a fuck about your abs if you're thick as two planks, self-obsessed, directionless and inauthentic.
I teach yoga, dance and tantra for a living. I'm an athlete. All my family are athletes. I value a healthy diet. So, of course, I'll go for a fit, conscious man over a mindless slob. It simply makes sense.
But fit, conscious men come in all shapes and sizes and so long as you're a few inches taller than me (and hairier), I'm open.
And yes, men, the size of your dick isn't that big of a deal either. Your heart and consciousness on the other hand. They matter.
Ultimately, though, it's about your vibration. We'll either resonate or we won't. And that's the thing that'll clinch it.
If you don't understand that, you aren't for me. And probably not for the bevvy of awakening women around the world.
And so what? It's great to be clear on what we want. It saves time and it's not personal.
I'm happy being single and if a man I feel really aligned with shows up, awesome !!! I don't see the point of compromising.
I've done that umpteen times in my days of low self-worth and it just creates suffering.
Relationship for me is about sexual and spiritual growth together. Creating more love in the world. Fulfilling a shared, sacred purpose.
Not filling a need, masking emptiness or scratching a sexual itch.
Guys - we love you and want you for your presence, not your prick. Though of course a prick filled with presence is a delight!