Blind spots & rose-tinted glasses


My theme right now is SAFETY.

Feeling safe to own & embody your sexuality - fully.

Feeling safe to relate.

Feeling safe to be intimate.

Feeling safe to be vulnerable.

Feeling safe to let go into pleasure.

Feeling safe to express wants & needs.

Feeling safe to say YES & NO.

Feeling safe to open fully.

All of which are part of the sexual and relating dance.

But what can happen in this conversation, is that we focus intently on the "things being done to us" that block safety.

Forgetting that we are the ones with the power to CONSENT.

The AGENCY to make change.

And the capacity to DISCERN

Which is easily done if:

  • your boundaries weren't respected as a child

  • you experienced old school parenting/education (ie. "shut up and do as I say, because I say so") and/or

  • you've suffered abuse.

(I put my hand up for each of those btw.)

But also because a big theme in the wider conditioning for the feminine is to be a passive, pleasing object.

It's took me the longest time to recognise that.

And be willing to take 100% responsibility for my experience.

Which meant acknowledging, amongst other things, my tendency in the flush of new attraction to regard potential lovers through rose-tinted specs and privilege words over actions.

Seeing all the cosmic alignments and wonderful qualities.

Taking professions of intent at face value.

But ignoring the hints of non-alignment.

Which could have done with a little more questioning.

Not because the other was in any way "bad", but simply to ascertain that we really were on the same page.

And, most importantly, that they followed through in action, what sounded so convincing (and pleasing to me) in words.

You see, if we want to expand our sexual and relational experience, we do indeed need the feeling of safety.

But the important thing to know is that this starts and ends with YOU.

Whether that's:

  • learning to distinguish between being the subject & the object of your sexuality

  • discovering that the way your embody & radiate your sexual & feminine energy makes a difference to what you attract

  • healing the wounds, that cause you to feel insecure, shut-down or mistrustful

  • getting really clear on what you want & valuing yourself enough to wait for it

  • learning to vocalise your needs and boundaries.

  • shifting your tendency to people-please.

  • asking more questions and taking more time to establish trust and true connection

  • committing to self-care, meditation and relaxation practices.

  • or setting up your boudoir & environment, in a way that supports your let go

So that both your PLEASURE & EMPOWERMENT are OPTIMISED.

We can't avoid pain or difficulty in life.

And sometimes things will still get done to us, that we don't want.

But we can take our sexuality into our own hands, be responsible for creating safety and reap the rewards of standing unapologetically in our lusciousness, because its FEELS SO DARN GOOD !

Join me for my next transformative day retreat:

SAFE TO BE SEXUAL

Sunday, March 21st, 11am-6pm Live on Zoom

Investment: £133 on/before March 14th, (Pay now); £155 thereafter Excited to see you then !

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© 2020 Shakti Sundari.