It started with the romantic ideal of the masculine as saviour and heart-throb (oh, those Danny Osmond posters, where his eyes seemed to follow mine ).
And morphed during my teens into that glorious, yet mostly elusive, feeling of being worthy, whenever a boy graced me with his attention.
Conditioned into believing my value lay in my physical appeal to men, I soon figured out, I was neither pretty nor curvaceous enough to be magnetic.
Aching at the emotional distance and harsh critique of my father, I longed for the masculine to see, hear and love me. To fill that painful void.
And so I looked outside myself - for The One.
An immersion in born-again Christianity, two marriages and many lovers later, I still hadn't found him.
Instead, I found myself sobbing on my bedroom floor. Wracked with pain. Feeling broken by yet another heart-wrenching experience of abandonment.
Truth be told, I still hadn't relinquished the dream of completion and redemption through a man.
It was by now wrapped in new-age language: divine union, sacred lovers, Twin Flames.
But the unconscious motivation remained the same: an external masculine was needed to make me whole and deliver me into the arms of the love I craved.
I took courses in couples counselling and authentic relating, read every book on masculinity and sacred relationship, taught workshops, meditated and continued on the tantra-yoga path.
Seeking. Yearning. Aching. Healing. Wanting.
It took a very long time for the penny to finally drop. And, quite frankly, the Universe had to knock my metaphorical head very firmly against the wall quite a few times, before it did:
- the Beloved is within. - as within so without.
Not as an idea, but an embodied experience.
As I have met and healed my relationship with the masculine within, so, quite naturally, shifts have occurred in the play of my life, work and being.
It's a relationship I'm eternally devoted to. Because it's the only one I know I'll be in for the rest of my life.
And because, quite frankly, I believe it underpins not just my own well-being, but the chances for peace and love on this Earth.
Yes. Really.
I can't say exactly how tending to this inner aspect and relationship will impact you, but for me, it has catalysed:
- a deeper embodied sense of peace, security and stability - the strength to weather intense emotional storms - the capacity to process & integrate whatever arises - beautiful friendships with conscious men - healing the father-wound - shifts in my relationship with time & money - feelings of orgasmicness - an expansion into more of my feminine power - magnetising conscious men with the potential for relationship - deeper space-holding for my clients and children
I invite you to join me on Sunday, November 15th, 2020, for a day devoted to Meeting the Masculine.
He really is worth it. But, most importantly, so are you.
We'll be meeting live on zoom (no recording, so show up or miss out), 10am-5.30pm. Your investment: £99. Register here or email me your questions.