It started with the romantic ideal of the masculine as saviour and heart-throb (oh, those Danny Osmond posters, where his eyes seemed to follow mine ).
And morphed during my teens into that glorious, yet mostly elusive, feeling of being worthy, whenever a boy graced me with his attention.
Conditioned into believing my value lay in my physical appeal to men, I soon figured out, I was neither pretty nor curvaceous enough to be magnetic.
Aching at the emotional distance and harsh critique of my father, I longed for the masculine to see, hear and love me. To fill that painful void.
And so I looked outside myself - for The One.
An immersion in born-again Christianity, two marriages and many lovers later, I still hadn't found him.
Instead, I found myself sobbing on my bedroom floor. Wracked with pain. Feeling broken by yet another heart-wrenching experience of abandonment.
Truth be told, I still hadn't relinquished the dream of completion and redemption through a man.
It was by now wrapped in new-age language: divine union, sacred lovers, Twin Flames.
But the unconscious motivation remained the same: an external masculine was needed to make me whole and deliver me into the arms of the love I craved.
I took courses in couples counselling and authentic relating, read every book on masculinity and sacred relationship, taught workshops, meditated and continued on the tantra-yoga path.
Seeking. Yearning. Aching. Healing. Wanting.
It took a very long time for the penny to finally drop. And, quite frankly, the Universe had to knock my metaphorical head very firmly against the wall quite a few times, before it did:
- the Beloved is within. - as within so without.
Not as an idea, but an embodied experience.
As I have met and healed my relationship with the masculine within, so, quite naturally, shifts have occurred in the play of my life, work and being.
It's a relationship I'm eternally devoted to. Because it's the only one I know I'll be in for the rest of my life.
And because, quite frankly, I believe it underpins not just my own well-being, but the chances for peace and love on this Earth.
I can't say exactly how tending to this inner aspect and relationship will impact you, but for me, it has catalysed:
- a deeper embodied sense of peace, security and stability - the strength to weather intense emotional storms - the capacity to process & integrate whatever arises - beautiful friendships with conscious men - healing the father-wound - shifts in my relationship with time & money - feelings of orgasmicness - an expansion into more of my feminine power - magnetising conscious men with the potential for relationship - deeper space-holding for my clients and children
I invite you to join me on Sunday, November 15th, 2020, for a day devoted to Meeting the Masculine.
He really is worth it. But, most importantly, so are you.